We won't sleep together?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
