I heard we made out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
