we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
