Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
