i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
