please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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