dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
