At least make sure they are 18
Why
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
