It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
