Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
