She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
