I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
