thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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