we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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