You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
