That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
