Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
