Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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