That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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