um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
