a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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