Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
