he thought i was a dude.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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