They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
