haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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