did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
