do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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