It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
