Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
