Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
