why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
