im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
