Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
