Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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