is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
