DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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