seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
