no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
