Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
