I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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