i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
