So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you never un-have a 4some
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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