By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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