The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
