so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
