I'm really into asian looking animals
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
