..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
