she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
