this beer tastes like vomit already
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
