She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
