So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
