hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
