the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
