I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My liver just had a heart attack.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
