he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
