Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
