Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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